Self Help Shelf – three books to consider when you're down

November's been a bit of a rough month. A bit down in the dumps, a bit overwhelmed easily, a bit antisocial. Maybe I'm still coming down from Disney. Maybe I'm just not dealing well with these early dark evenings. But it happens, and it's fine. It's just part of the highs and lows of life.

But it's probably why I've been reading so many "self help" books lately. I say "self help" instead of just self help because I'm not entirely comfortable with this category of reading. It feels too Oprah or New Age-y or something. But I'm a big believer that the unexamined life is not worth living, so I think gaining some perspective, seeing a new take on the things you're feeling is never a bad thing. So I've been reading a lot of non-fiction.

Maybe if you're feeling similarly blue, you can queue up these books in your library holds list too.

via

My boyfriend was pretty horrified to come home from a NYC jaunt to find me reading Spousonomics: Using Economics to Master Love, Marriage and Dirty Dishes by Paula Szuchman and Jenny Anderson. But he shouldn't have been—this book is helpful for any relationship, not just for unhappy couples.

Every relationship, whether it be with your partner, family members, friends or coworkers, needs give and take, and this book helps navigate the strategies to smooth that tension. It shows you why splitting things (like chores) down the middle can cause more friction than less, using the economic principle of comparative advantage. It shows why bartering can be an effective motivator for easing destructive patterns. And it does this with a thorough and good-humoured explanation of the economics at work, and three examples from real couples to illustrate good solutions.

I originally picked up this book because while my relationship is ticking along pretty nicely, we have hiccups like everyone. My goal was to recognize the warning signs and to have some resolution tactics in place for when problems inevitably crop up. What I found instead was a new perspective on how to evaluate the difficulties faced in every relationship, and how looking at the situation with some objectivity can help create a happier, better solution for all parties involved. It's one of those books I might end up buying even though I borrowed it to read, because I think it'll be helpful for reference when I'm facing an issue.

via

I've been curious to read some Eckhart Tolle for a while, so I put A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose in my queue a couple weeks ago and forgot about it until my library hold notice came through.

You get a strange sense reading this book—the voice is drowsy, somewhat clinical, a little too distant. There's a lot of circular speaking and then bam, a big idea distilled neatly into a paragraph. It feels what I'd imagine drinking the Kool-Aid of a calm, charismatic cult leader would feel like—I found myself being drawn to read it even though I knew it was boring. And say! That's kinda what this is.

Much of A New Earth is about the ego and how it causes suffering, which yeah, he sold me on. I believe we base our identity on thoughts. I believe that consumerism and unhealthy habits ramp up when we are feeling most vulnerable. I believe that our easily offended ego is responsible for a lot of social anxiety and self-loathing. I believe it. What makes me uncomfortable is the idea of striving for ego death, which much of this book seems to be lauding. I think desire can be a really good thing, especially as a creative person. I think taking pride in yourself and pushing yourself to try harder when you're disappointed can be good in small doses. I think the absence of the ego sounds really deadened and numb.

So I took this one with a heap of salt. Keep your ego in check, but don't kill it entirely. Be aware of its power and how much unhappiness it can cause, but only so you can get to a happy point again. Sure, you may be more at peace with a dead ego, but whatever—I'd rather have peace when I'm dead.*

via

I'm actually still in the middle of this last read, but it's probably the most effective so far. Called The How of Happiness, author Sonja Lyubomirsky uses scientific studies and insights to explain how to cultivate more happiness in your life. The core of her theory is the 40 percent of happiness that is affected by behaviour.

So, used to blaming your unhappiness on your job? Your singledom? Your lack of finances? Your situation only accounts for 10 percent of your total happiness. Your upbringing, inherited traits and any chemical imbalances account for 50 percent (your set happiness point). The only thing you can truly effect is that remaining 40, behavioural percent, and Lyubomirsky suggests 12 activities that are proven to be a) the habits of naturally happier people and b) effective when adopted by the less smile endowed. She even has all kinds of quizzes to figure out how you're truly feeling, what methods are best for you, and how to track your progress.

The changes aren't huge—things like have gratitude in your everyday, dedicate time to "flow" activities (the ones you lose yourself in)—but her dedication to finding the strategies that best suit you is admirable. Keeping a gratitude journal isn't something I'd likely maintain (or even start—that just reeks of sentimentality to me), and she admits as such. She admits that all tactics won't work for everyone (and even quotes that exact reaction as her own!), and I like that. The activities I'll be trying are making time for "flow" activities, avoiding overthinking, and developing strategies for coping.


So there you have it. Three books, three different approaches to problem-solving when life gets you down. Have you guys read any of these? Have any book recommendation you think I might enjoy?


*Note: this review was obviously written by Amanda's ego.