How To: Stay Cool on Hot Days

I haven't lived with an air conditioner for about four or five years, and until this year I've handled it quite well—the sweat situation was totally under control, same with the smell, and I was only slightly grumpy when I couldn't get a glass of water. This summer something changed for me. Maybe it's the more frequent working at home, maybe it's the lack of AC at work, or just something inside of me, but it's manifested in a complete intolerance for the heat, the humidity, and generally, the sunshine.

I just spent a beautiful weekend in Muskoka sitting by the lake, and got myself mighty burned for it. That burn has been the catalyst for something bigger—this list of ways to stay cool. It will not only help you, but also help me stay positive in my thinking, and not want to move home to my parents' house until October when it cools down.

me, pre burn. sunglasses from whitecrow

1. Get fans going. Place them beside open windows, but keep the curtains mostly drawn on these windows. You want to minimize the sunshine coming in and maximize the outside air being picked up by the fan to circulate around your sauna of an apartment.

2. Drink lots of water. I know it sounds cliche, but that Coke Zero aint gonna help you at all. Get a giant pitcher, fill it with water, and just keep on drinking. Limit your iced coffee and cold beer intake during the day, because though they taste more refreshing, you'll feel worse later. Staying hydrated is really important, so make sure your cat gets enough to drink as well. Don't assume that she is dying from heat just because she has started to sleep on her back in the dark bathroom.

3. Run freezing cold water on the inside of your wrists. This is a tip that I learned from my Grandpa when I was a kid. He told me that because your veins are more or less exposed, it will cool down the blood that travels around your body and cool you down quickly. I don't know enough about science or anatomy to know if he was putting me on, but nevertheless, the trick is really effective.

4. Wear the right clothes. I have been living in this super-thin cotton top that I bought years ago when it was an old lady's nighty (you've got to trust me that it's actually kind of cute). I've tried the not wearing much route, and there is too much sweat and rubbing going on for that to be comfortable for long. Thin cotton and boyshort underwear is usually a good bet.

5. Sit really still. Stop thinking about how hot it is, and look at pictures that your boyfriend took of you and your family up at the farm on Christmas. Remember how it felt to fall in the snow and get your pants all wet and have to walk home with frozen pants. Alternatively, try to embrace the heat but picture yourself in some exotic location, like Puerto Rico. I like to pretend that I'm in Greece again, where the heat was totally bearable because everything else was so beautiful.

cold vs. hot memories

5. Go outside. I know this sounds crazy, but if you can find a patch of grass in the shade and you bring a big hat, a book, and some of the super-important water, you'll cool down. Or take a walk to the nearest grocery store and wander the isles. Either way, put on some cutoffs over those boyshorts.

6. Take the bus. To get to work, the public pool, or your friend's air conditioned apartment building, take the bus. Street cars and subways are really stiflingly hot, but the buses usually are like those Juicy Fruit commercials, like falling backwards into a pool of cold water.

karaoke lyrics

7. Listen to some Stevie Nicks. Preferably The Wild Heart. It is an awesome album for the summer heat. Realize that no matter what you do, your hair is gonna look like hers, and you should just embrace it. Don't bother putting on makeup, it will just melt off. Get some bright lip stain and make your lips and your hair the main focus.