How do you love?

You know me—navel-gazing as always, seeking out some clarity on life matters. Last night, my BFF Gillian tipped me off to a neat concept, the Five Love Languages. The website is a supplement to books being hawked by Dr. Gary Chapman, the primary one being The 5 Love Languages, but there are a few catering to different relationships (parents and teens, marriage, children, etc.) Yes, it's a little Chicken Soup for the Soul-y, but the free quiz is well worth checking out.

You answer a few questions and it ranks how best you experience love in five categories. Roughly, those are:
Words of Affirmation: you need to hear, verbally, how much people love you.
Quality Time: you like to spend uninterrupted bonding time with your loved ones.
Receiving Gifts: you enjoy the thoughtful effort behind choosing something that suits you well, and love cherishing gifts from others.
Acts of Service: you love when your loved ones make life easier for you, such as washing the dishes without being asked or running an errand for you.
Physical Touch: you love physical intimacy with your loved ones, like hugs, a thoughtful touch on the arm or holding hands.


What I like about this is it helps you to recognize what areas are important to develop in your relationships. By thinking about how you enjoy receiving love, you can also think about how your loved ones like receive it, and how you like to give it. For example, I received my highest marks on Quality Time, and it's so true—my favourite way to spend time with my friends and family is by just hanging out together, having good conversations, letting ourselves enjoy one another's company. My boyfriend refuses to do the quiz (on the grounds that this would open him up to a litany of Cosmo-esque testing), but I'd expect he'd rank high in the same area—we spend most of our free time with one another driving around town, listening to music, watching and discussing good movies, and it seems to work well for us.

If you're finding difficulties in a relationship, it might be helpful to think about how you experience love differently. Maybe you're both trying to show how you care, but are doing so on differing planes—your roommate is always on top of taking out the trash but you feel like you never see them, or your mom is constantly picking up trinkets for you but you've been longing for a hug. Rather than being frustrated by those differences, maybe you can find some peace in understanding their point of view better—and, even better, try responding to them in their preferred form of expression.

I know it sounds a little silly and Oprah self-help-y, but I do think it can be a helpful exercise in exploring how to strengthen your relationships with others. There's also a quiz on how you prefer to receive apologies that I found interesting—how the wording of apologies resonates more strongly for some if you express regret, or for others if you accept responsibility. There are five types there as well, and that's available in the bottom right hand corner of the quiz page.

Anyway, it's a fun way to pass 20 minutes, but ultimately, I think it can be an interesting tool to shed light on how you and your loved ones operate. Try it and see!