burgundy girls: 6 Tracks to Rot Your Brain To

There comes a point, every few months, where I catch up on pop music. Where like, every single I've missed over the last four months hits me in a rush of about a week (and usually comes courtesy of my ride-or-die homegirl, Gillian), and I go on an all-sugar diet for a little while afterwards. Fuck any crumbling vestiges of cool I may still possess—this is my favourite kind of high calorie, no good for me, pop junk food (well, this and Ice Loves Coco).

Strap in, buddies, and let's have some fun.

This was a single way back in March, I think, but I only clued into it about a week ago. And hot damn, is it fun. It's so WEIRD. It's about sex with E.T., guys, not that you couldn't have guessed that—the lyrics possess nothing resembling subtlety. The production on this is pretty spectacular though, and the video, while cheesy and over-baked, has some really cool costuming. Gaga did the alien thing earlier this year too, but Katy looks like she's having about a million times more fun not making her career an undergrad thesis on pop culture.

This is such an embarrassing choice, but I truly can't get this out of my head. The video looks like a cross between that awkward Matrix rave/orgy and Street Fighter's Chun-Li, but this is a great song for keeping your pace up when working on something dull. Plus, how good is Kelly Rowland looking? Look at her nails! And she's definitely been doing Buns of Steel. Bey may get all the glory, but this lesser Destiny Child is smartly just making music that'll have her on endless loop in the gay clubs.

This song is such a sneak attack—the first time I heard it, I was like, "uhhh why should I care?" and then I found myself humming it in the shower, and as I did dishes, and on my way to work, and then I realized that it had worked. NERD had effectively hypnotized me, and I don't know why. This video makes me feel icky for a few reasons. 1) I can't buy Pharrell as sexy. Dude has the body of a 14 year old. 2) The harem of vacant women. They're his stripped down, sexed up version of Gwen Stefani's Harujuku Girls, and it weirds me out (I do find it hilarious and amazing how they bounce their chests though). Whatever, I'm not giving up my feminist card for loving this one.

This is as good as Blackout-era Britney, back when she was actually going to clubs and then went bathshit so she couldn't promote her album properly. This one, Femme Fatale, has some serious missteps, but this is a great roiling, steamy sort of pop song. Yeah, I can't believe I just said steamy either, ugh.

Easily the standout track on a pretty good album, Kanye and Jay-Z's collaboration, Watch the Throne. I love how dirty it sounds, and how ramped up—like the blurring lights of speeding through the city on a wet night. G made a great point about what a statement Jay's making on how success changes friendships, and I like how it feels like Jay's stepping down (although lord knows if he'll actually stay down). Kanye comes off as his guard dog, joining in only at the end to continue the message and show his loyalty. It's a good one...